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So,itseemsthatiwannasaysomething。ButIjustdon'tknowwhattosay。Inthepastgoodolddays,Ihavemuchwordsaboutmyfriends,aboutmyboringlife,aboutmydreams,myexperience。。。

IalwaysexpectthatIshouldexperiencesomethingtheniwouldbemoremature。Iwishiwouldact,talk,thinkmorelikeanadult,Somehow,thingsdonotgolikethat。Ineverexpectthatishouldbesomindless。Careaboutnothingthatthosebeautifuldreamsareallflyaway。Thoseonceicherishedfriendship,ivaluedsunshinglife,now,disappearentirely。

Iknowthatiamagirlwhoalwayshavemanytopicstotalkaboutformyoutgoingpersonality。Butitired。Tiredtospeak,tiredtocall,tiredtosendmessages。Everythingiwoulddobeforethatiwon'tdonow。Ihatethefeelingsthateachtimewhenihangdownthephone。Ihatethefeelingsthateachtimeaftermyhardtryingtomakeeveryonesmile。Istillhatethefeelingsthateachtimeipersuademyselftrustothers,helpothers,listentoothers。Whataterriblefeeling。

Maybeforothers,theycannotunderstandmeexactly。Iusedtonottellingmyselfout。Ihurtmanypeopleiknow,thoughIdon'tmeantodoso。Formostofthetime,ijustdon'tknowhowtodealwiththosethings。Iwouldrathertoescapethantofaceit。Iamantotalidiottowardthosethings。Iwon'tgivemyselfanychancetothinkaboutit。Whatever,iwon'ttry,won'tanswer,foriamsoscared!

Thenlifestillgoeson,whatkindoflifeIwouldchoosenext?Ithinkiwillhaveadeepthink!iknowitwouldbebright,wouldbeshiningandwouldfulloflaughters!Wishtheyguysabeaufulsunshinefuture!

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